Earth Magic: Dragonfly (Emergence)
How (Yoga): Camel Pose
Mudra: Gupta Mudra - Gesture of the Inner Secret
I'm trying to recreate November from the perspective of January. I feel like I can't move forward to do my reading for 2019 until 2018 is complete. As I give myself permission to honestly write these words, though, I realize how ridiculous it is. I've already moved forward. That's how time works. It is 2019. It doesn't matter what my excuse is or why I got behind on these blogs. I did. Life happens - holidays, winter, yadda yadda yadda... and it's all okay. It's okay.
Now to move on to why I may want to complete this blog. I'm genuinely curious about this process and how November led in to December. Toward the end of November, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. And December's reading is wildly appropriate for processing that diagnosis.
So, I'm releasing my blame and shame around not keeping up with the blog and allowing it to be whatever it is in my memory from the perspective of January.
According to Facebook:
Reflecting on the Cards
Let's start with the Mudra - Gupta Mudra. It's core quality is protection from our limiting beliefs. "As limiting beliefs are released, I rest in the sanctuary of my inner being." I don't remember any specific limiting beliefs that were released in November; however, I think this practice laid the groundwork for the releasing I've been doing as a result of this cancer diagnosis. It seems like every time I turn around I'm facing another belief and releasing it. Just yesterday I was confronted with a belief that I have to be a good girl and compliant patient even if it means not speaking up about my pain. I'm happy to say I started speaking up, even though it's weird and uncomfortable. And now that I think about it... much of the work I was doing in November was about deciding to put The Upside of Stress by Kelly McGonigal in a course. This book completely releases limiting beliefs around stress. I looked in my e-mails and 11/15 was when I sent an e-mail saying how much I love this book.
Camel Pose "I release all worry and doubt. My heart is filled with calm faith and knowing." Well, I didn't do camel pose. My frozen shoulder was still keeping me from practicing fully. However, I did do heart openers to the extent I could, in an attempt to loosen up that shoulder. And I started receiving massage in November, hoping to open up enough to practice yoga more fully. I think, in retrospect, this card was more about releasing worry and doubt. And the more I saw the synchronicity in life in November, the more my heart filled with calm faith and knowing. My work on the GRIT course was providing insights for Friday's Mindful Meditation and I was nearly done with the GRIT course when I got the cancer diagnosis. Week 3 encourages students to reach out in times of stress, using the tend-and-befriend stress response to connect and release oxytocin. So even though I was afraid to share my diagnosis, I did. And I asked for hugs for a hit of oxytocin.
The Dragonfly: Emergence: Basically, this card is saying that I am in an intense process of emergence into the next stage of my life. It says to stop trying to deny who I am. Well, as I was coming to terms with this diagnosis, I had a dream about my daughter who was never conceived. I had promised her about a year ago that I would write her into existence and I haven't yet. For me, this card is about creating her. And that very morning I began to write her story. The first card I drew for 2019 seemed to be about this process.
Servant: Delight in serving others with a free and loving heart. I do remember having the thought at the beginning of November that serving others with a free and open heart can lead to the things I want in my life, paradoxically, only if I don't expect serving to lead there. Serving puts me in the flow and ten surprisingly the flow takes me where I wanted to go. I think this also applies to writing my daughter's story. I have to do it for her, not with thoughts of publishing or being an author. If I write for her with a free and loving heart, those other things may come as a result. However, each day when I sit down and write, I need to be focussed solely on her and my love for her.
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After burning out from a long career as a middle school/high school reading/math/science teacher, I returned to school to study massage, hypnotherapy, mindfulness, aromatherapy, and yoga.