Sacred Geometry (How): Communication
Artist (Action): Spiritual Experience
Mudra: Uttarabodhi Mudra – gesture of highest wisdom
I've been doing this monthly personal development practice for eight months now, and I have felt the most resistance to this month. And surprisingly enough, this is the one I want the most. It is August 26th and I've contemplated and thought and haven't actually designed nor implemented a practice yet. For that reason, I'll reflect first and then write about the development.
For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be a writer. I even chose my college major, Anthropology, thinking that it would be a good background in research for a writer to have. I had the underlying belief that in order to be a writer, I must first experience life. I had no expectation of how much experience was enough, though. So, when I saw this card, The Storyteller, come up in my 2018 reading, I was excited. Finally, I will become a writer. This is my chance. However, the first card was actually blank, which I interpreted as meaning I had a choice. I could choose to be a storyteller in August. That left a lot of room for overwhelming doubt.
What if I'm not good enough? What if no one wants to read what I want to say? What if I am really good and get pigeonholed and readers don't want to read another style of book from me? What if... what if... what if.
The truth is that writers are writers because they write. I know this in an intellectual way. I know that I need to develop a habit. That would be my yoga for August - daily writing. I'll get up in the morning and I'll write. I wouldn't even need to get up any earlier. I can just skip the social media mindless scrolling and get right to the writing. And yet, as the month progressed, I slept in later. I played this game on my phone that my grand-nephew downloaded. I mindlessly scrolled even more. I was resisting.
This was my chance and I was wasting it. And yet, knowing that was not moving me from my bed. I realized this was my edge. My identity as a future writer needed to be dismantled. A future identity is a fantasy that can be oh so comforting. This fantasy was no different from my "when I win the lottery," "Walk from Patagonia to Alaska," and "Disney World wedding" fantasies I've had at other times in my life. The difference is that with one simple habit change, this future identity could be real.
So my yoga this month was studying this resistance. And I'm not saying I've got it completely figured out in one month. However, I am here, on the morning of September 11th at this point, writing. My resistance has a lot to do with my desire to write something momentous and profound - overwhelming expectations. Mostly, though, I want to be heard. When someone picks up a book, they are choosing to listen to the author. My fear was that I would hear reviews and social media rants that sound too much like the many times loved ones have ended conversations with the phrase, "you think too much." While I'm sure there will be bad reviews and social media trolls. I can move forward, though, knowing they choose to pick up the book and I think the exact right amount for me.
The next step is the development of the habits of writing.
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After burning out from a long career as a middle school/high school reading/math/science teacher, I returned to school to study massage, hypnotherapy, mindfulness, aromatherapy, and yoga.